To,
No One in Particular.
I don’t admit it, but I’m scared. Almost all the time. I’ve never truly been a kid; which I don’t mind so much because it has allowed me a greater perception of the world and a higher thinking capacity than most. It’s just..I can’t help thinking that it’s the reason I’m scared. I don’t even know what I’m scared of. Change? Having to live life because I’m almost done with school? getting a job? I’ve never been able to tell. Of course there are moments of escape every now and again; but for the most part..I always have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like something bad is going to happen any moment. I can’t escape it….so now I’m trying to change it, and, it’s trying to jump out of my throat. For the last two days I’ve felt nauseous; and even more scared. What am I doing to myself? Is it the answer? Will I ever actually look at myself differently? And of course no one would be able to understand. why would they? I pride myself on my individuality, but it’s a lonely road. So much time to myself just to think. I can’t out run this, and I’m not sure how much longer I can take. I’m scared. I’m scared. I’m scared. But I can’t tell you of what. I find it hard to care about anything anymore, school; which has always been so important seems remedial. Agony is to ensue. I’ll keep you posted.
-The depths of my mind
